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Would You ?!

Would you share your toothbrush, that is the question.
We’ve just been on a half-term getaway for a few days, booked very last minute, as in the day before, not too far away from where we live in fact, so ALL we had to do was pack up the car and vamoose! Taking advantage of having The Mr home during the boys school break was a chance to get some family time together.
So, as Mummies do in these circumstances, I packed for all of the boys enough appropriate clothing for a multitude of weather scenarios, i packed for myself, including some little tealight candles and bubble bath (ever the optimist that I am) and a few bits for The Mr (swim shorts, pants, socks), Instructing him to pack what he needed in terms of clothing and toiletries, I shopped to stock up on some lovely yummy food and beverage treats, as we were going self catering, I packed the family games we enjoy playing, colouring pads and crayons, charged up their gaming devices and packed the chargers, remembered the calpol, took toilet roll, kitchen roll, bleach and multi surface cleanser (must do some cleaning on arrival in these kind of places), teatowels and dishclothes, I packed all the favourite bedtime bears, and remembered our pjs and foxy bedtime socks (its a family tradition of ours), our wellie boots (it’s February and its been flooded in the UK), we took fishing rods, we took my sons golf clubs…….. We were fully loaded, no space to spare in our boot ! I had arranged for my very kind and lovely neighbour to come in and feed our little pets, we were ready to rock!
Off we set, no traumas, no delays, we found our destination, we checked in, we unloaded our car, and while the boys explored our new surroundings, I unpacked all of our swag and found homes for everything. Hoorah!! Happy days. The only fly in the ointment occurred that evening, when it came to teeth cleaning. It turns out I had packed an incorrect toothbrush for my son (they have a few at home, I’d selected the wrong one, how rude of me !) but we smoothed it out and all was fine, then The Mr comes out of the bathroom asking where his toothbrush is, I explain I didn’t pack it, as he was notified to pack his clothes and his toiletries, oh. Oh. He asks ‘Is it ok to use yours then?!’ …….
Uuuuffffff. Dilemma. Allowing my toothbrush to enter someone else’s mouth, nooooooooo! I love you I do I do I do , but my toothbrush?!!!!!!! That’s just not the done thing. Toothbrushes are sacred. I mean it’s sooooo unfair, I had remembered so many things to bring with us, how come I get the bum deal of toothbrush sharing ? Where is the fairness in that I ask ?!! I mean how can a grown man who has a responsible job and has fathered 3 children, how can he not manage to remember just one little item which is sooooooo important ?!!!
I was reminded, again….. That boys truly are boys, regardless of age, needing to be tended to and cared for, regardless of age.
Anyway. I’m orf to buy a new toothbrush :).

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the Word of the Day Is……

Rambunctious. What a super word to smack your lips on!

The Oxford dictionary definition says: uncontrollably exuberant ; boisterous.

Yep, way to go on a Friday! Be rambunctious ! My children are in a perpetual state of it constantly during their waking hours ….. (I wonder mostly to myself, Why do they squabble with each other and fight with each other and tease each other ALL the time ???). If I’m in a good state of mind and feel happy, I can cope with it, if its not a Friday (Friday is THE best day of the week) and if I’m feeling stressed (often) , I find it a real challenge to handle the rambunctiousness of these boys.

The joy of motherhood, it stretches you beyond your wildest imagination !

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The Word of the Day is……..

Really, utterly, peeved. No reason, actually lots of reasons, but mostly rather churlish ones. And under the top layer of churlishness lies the root, which I’m not yet ready to dig up. But the ground is getting unsettled and I fear it will soon explode like a volcanic eruption.

Oxford dictionary definition of peeved: “make (someone) (mostly the Mr I think that means) rather annoyed; irritate

Oh well.

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The Word of the Day is……….

Peculiar. Yes, peculiar. This word popped into my head in the wee small hours when I was lying awake wondering all sorts of things, and I marvelled at how nice this word is to say. Say it now out loud……peculiar! I decided I would use this word today as my word of the day, aiming to get it into my conversations without appearing too, well, peculiar! I want to wax lyrical about really meaningful important issues and subjects, but I can’t find the oooomph in me at the moment to do really anything useful or even get into any deeper dialect. Must be the time of year, Dull and dark and dreary.

The definition of ‘peculiar’ in the Oxford Dictionary is:

“Different to what is normal or expected; strange”

I like Peculiar.

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My Alphabet of Motherhood

I finally finished my A to Z of Motherhood, it took me ages, but I got there in the end. As its been so long since I began this, I decided to read it all back and see a quick list of what my motherhood alphabet journey looks like…….and this is it! :-

Ass Wiping

Sounds pretty bang on the money wouldn’t you say?!

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Z is For……………….

Zen. Finding your inner calm, your inner strength, coping through all that this wonderful life might throw at you, finding yourself, loving yourself, being at peace with the world, loving what you have, feeling in balance. Zen might mean something else to you, but for me, that kind of sums it up.

My children have recently picked up the phrase ‘I HATE YOU!!’ Which they tend to say loudly to each other when they’re having a moment, and I am repeatedly saying to them how unpleasant it sounds to hear a child using such a strong word as hate, and trying to explain that to truly feel hatred would be a very sad state to be in emotionally. In my opinion. I love my opinion, because its mine ! Nobody can take it from me, or deny me it, it is my prerogative to have my opinions on anything and everything if I so choose. There. I’m done.

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Y is For…………

Youth. I recall a saying ‘youth is wasted on the young’ which I used to think an odd saying, but now – I get it. I agree with that saying. It’s impossible to explain to my young children as they are still too young to understand, that school is marvellous! That being young and carefree, no responsibilities, no pressures, sleeping soundly all night long, feeling secure and loved and cared for, are amazingly wonderful feelings and things that we take for granted while we are young.
When you are young, you can’t wait to grow up, to be older, to get out of school, a day seems to last forever, an hour of waiting is an eternity to a child! It’s all a big rush to move on.

It’s an awful realisation as the years pass, that those things turn on their heads, returning to our schooldays would be fantastic, sleeping peacefully with no worries would be bliss, having that hour to just do nothing would be a treat! No worries and no fears about finances, bills, our children, their education, no concerns about our health, not thinking about death, losing our loved ones, our friends, ourselves! We start wanting time to slow down, to stop the clock, slow the ageing process, stay youthful.

But we gain our wisdom from our years of experience, how many times have you thought ‘if I knew that then, I would have done things differently’. That’s our journey through life, to learn, to figure it out along the way. Our experiences, our tears and heartbreaks, our fun and frivolity and crazy days, are all part of our personal rich tapestries of life. Our individualism, our uniqueness.

All that said, I still wish I could do it all again! And my children will no doubt ignore my advice and words of wisdom, as they follow their own destinies and make their own mistakes, as I am just old Mum! What do I know ?!!

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W is for WTF…………..

Or even. Why ? When did that happen ? What next ? Where am I headed now ?

Scary scary scary, sad sad sad. As our summer holiday is ending, I have to pull my head out of my arse and accept that my third and final baby boy is starting big school in 3 days. With his siblings, all together, he’s excited, can’t wait to join his elders, it’s all a big adventure, which I’m glad and so thankful he is eager and keen to get started, that’s wonderful. My issue is me. I’m beside myself at the prospect that my last baby is starting school. It is a massive big milestone, it is so significant for me as a mother and a woman, I have completed my task, I have succeeded in raising them to school age, now they go off to begin their independent lives, my attachment to them slowly slowly reducing as they learn to spread their wings. I remember my pregnancies, the births, the firsts, you know the first sleep through the night, first solid foods, first tooth, sitting up, first words, first steps, first night in a big boys bed, so so many things that we have shared together.
I know you may be thinking FFS woman, they are just going to school, not leaving home (uuuuffff this is what The Mr is thinking and clearly he has no idea WTF I am getting my knickers in a twist about, remember mars and Venus…..) and I know I know, but I can’t help how I am feeling at this time, it’s a biggy for me and I am finding it difficult to deal with. I know how fast these past 9 years have whizzed by since I joined the motherhood, and it scares me how fast my little people are growing up. The baby stage and toddler stage has ended now in my household, and frankly I want to stop the clock please. I’m scared how the next load of firsts will pass by, first girlfriends, first kiss, first broken heart……first one to leave home. Ouch. My heart flinches with that thought.
People keep saying to me how I will have more time on my hands and able to think more about working and getting my life back (the goddamn Mr again, he really says all the wrong things at all the wrong times, remember mars and Venus…..) and I am thinking what?! Are you mad ?! Have you no idea what I feel ?!
I can’t really express everything that I feel, I am hoping that you mothers out there who have been, seen and done this stage can understand me, relate to what I’m jabbering on about, and tell me it’s ok. I know it will be. It’s a process. And we do just carry on with whatever is thrown in our path, but hell I’m crying a lot and keeping Andrex in profit at the moment.
Hey ho. Crazy journey this life malarkey.

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V is For……………………

VODKA. It was going to be VEGETABLES……… as they are such a bain of my life, trying to get the boys to eat them, hiding them under other things on the plate, chopping and dicing to make funny faces and animals on the plate, disguising them in other things – hoping they won’t notice, explaining the importance of eating your 5 a day, telling completely ridiculous stories of the benefits of eating them (you know…carrots will help you see in the dark…..) and so I decided nah. Veggies can do one. Back to Vodka! My heart is actually in the French champagne region, I would bathe in the stuff if I could afford to, drink it for breakfast, lunch and dinner…..but since deciding to tackle my timber (i joined slimming world) I have discovered that Champagne is higher in calories than Vodka (syns as they are called at fatty club…) so I had to rethink my tipple choice. The Mr is a bit anti the hard stuff since his Father had a penchant for Vodka and died from alcohol-abuse related medical issues, but, well, a girl has to do what a girl has to do.  And it is quite different volumes of consumption we’re looking at.  Whereas The Mr Senior would happily slurp his way through a bottle in a day, i’m more of a measure or 2 at the end of the day when I finally flop down once the amigos are soundo, and thats not a daily ritual I might add. Anyway, if i cracked open vino, I would consume more units as I would be working my way to the end of the bottle…. and I can have 2 VST’s with a squeeze of fresh lime, for the syn price of 1 large glass of vino tinto… yay! and still hopefully shed a pound or two at fatty club…..

Lime Vodka and Slimline Tonic with ice and a slice for the fatty on the sofa? Absofeckinlutely!

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How did life get that bad………………..?!

Just last week, in a town near to me, a young woman aged 23 took her own life by jumping from a multi storey car park at 8am on a weekday morning, clutching her babie’s teddy bear.  When the police went to her home, they discovered 3 babies, all dead, aged 3, 2 and almost 1.  At the last update they had determined their deaths as inconclusive. The woman was also 8 months pregnant.  Her partner had left the month before.  As you might imagine, it’s headline news and the topic of many discussions locally.  I have heard many people’s opinions, what they think, people sure have plenty to say about it, and oh my – how cruel folks can be, or maybe very single minded. 

My feelings are that it’s a tragedy, completely.  All those lives taken.  I can’t understand or comprehend what state of mind that young woman had to have been in to feel that she had no choice but to take her children’s lives and her own.  Where was the support of family, friends, social services, the community?  How can all of these things have failed her in her times of need? 

I have 3 children, close in age, I am a single parent much of the time due to a partner that works away for long periods of time,  I know how hard being a mother can be at times, how alone it can feel, how isolating it is sometimes, how frustrating it can be,  how tiring it is, how mundane days can be, how unappreciated you can feel, how sometimes nothing ever seems to go your way and you can’t seem to do anything right, how you can feel that nobody else understands what your life is like, how you sometimes fantasise about walking out the door and just walking and walking, when you cry and can’t stop and you don’t really know why, when you shout and scream and then feel bad inside, when you feel you are not doing a very good job at being a mother, when you wish someone would come along and just take over, I understand all of those things.

I guess I never have reached such a low where I could ever consider taking my life, of feeling that worthless, I can’t imagine ever feeling that I wouldn’t want my children to grow up and experience the wonders of life.  True enough, the world and the people on it are pretty f’d up at times, but surely life is still precious enough to be worth it? When did things get so bad that a woman reaches that point in her life and nobody notices? Mostly, I feel sad and I feel angry. 



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