This is what my GP has told me today. I went to the Docs in the hope that I could get some advice, guidance, support, recommendations, about my middle 6 year old son, who’s behaviour is becoming increasingly challenging and I am struggling to cope with. I wrote down all the things that I have noted about how he behaves and what he does and what triggers him off (valuable advice from a mummy blogger) , and the impact this has on others around him (mainly me and his siblings….) , she listened. She asked how he behaves when he is alone with me, and what his teacher has to say about his school behaviour. In both cases his behaviour is better than when we are all together. She says there is nothing medically wrong, nor mentally. She says I am the barrier for him. It’s about his relationship with me. WTF??!! I said thanks very much and left the surgery feeling bewildered and really more frustrated than before I went in. Did she listen to anything I said?!
Maybe I feel guilty that I am causing him to get so frustrated and behave the way he does. Maybe there is some truth in what she has said. I am trying to stretch 3 ways, to accommodate all 3 of their needs, and I do struggle juggling. But I still feel there is more to this. The things I wrote down about his little ways and how he responds and reacts, that can really really really drive you insane on a regular basis, that makes his sibling ask ‘why does he do that’ ‘what is wrong with him’…… and I understand their feelings, because I am asking myself this silently all the time.
His Father thinks I am looking for something to be wrong, and is so very defensive and so very angry with me for bringing this up, and says this is just about growing up and learning and finding our way. But it is because I love all my boys equally, that I can’t carry on ignoring what is happening before my eyes. If I don’t address these things – who will? No one else is going to give a flying F about them. In all honesty. It’s down to me to deal with this. And quite honestly I don’t know what to do.
I know we are not to compare our kids, they are all individual and different and special and unique and do things their own way and learn at their own pace. I know.
I feel useless. Like I am failing him – because I should know how to handle him, what to do to to calm situations and keep everyone happy, how to help him not get so frustrated. To understand what is going on in that beautiful little head of his. That is what I really want to understand. His blueprint. I wish I had the power to read minds. Or to be aware in advance what a reaction might be so that I can change the action and prevent a situation occurring. I mean that should be a natural thing as his Mother right? But I feel clueless. I look at his sometimes and wonder where did he come from. and that’s not right is it.
I don’t know. I just don’t know.